What If?
by 3 Star Jeneral
Summary: What if... What if life decided to take a different turn ? What if you realised that every single tiny detail played its own part in deciding your ultimate fate? What if Samantha Carter and Jack O'Neill had made different decisions and faced different scenarios? What if... Each chapter will have its own rating but I have placed an overall rating of "M" to be safe
1. Unfinished Business

**A/N : Part 1 of the "What If..." Series**

 **Pt 1- What If... Sam Carter and Jack O'Neill had acted on the initial attraction they each felt upon meeting in the Briefing Room in "Children of the Gods "**

* * *

 **A/N : a response to the Twitter Challenge of "What really happened after the first meeting of Samantha Carter and Jack O'Neill in the briefing room "**

This lovely fic is rated MA please don't read on if you don't enjoy adult themed fics.

Disclaimer: nope, still don't own the characters, we're just out for a lovely stroll. I'll have them back by curfew...promise...

Thanks , yet again, to to my brilliant Beta's for all the guidance !

Reviews very much welcome and appreciated !

* * *

Samantha Carter strolled through the darkened corridors of the SGC. She was starting already- working late, staying long after everyone had left , just because she'd never been able to leave something unfinished.

She had finally managed to gather a correct inventory of everything in her new lab and was dropping off a list of the rest of the things she would need to General Hammond as ordered. The Generals office was dark, and empty, though as it was 1am, that really didn't surprise her.

She stood there in the darkness until a voicie called out.

"The General has left for the night Captain, anything I can help you with?"

Sam spun on her heels, the unexpected voice coming from the dimly lit briefing room taking her by complete surprise. There, in the same chair where he had smirked at her from earlier that day, going over what looked like personnel files, sat Colonel Jack O'Neill and if it was at all possible, he looked even more delicious than he had before.

"Oh, hi...Sir" she said. " I just needed to leave something for General Hammond"

"He will be back at oh nine hundred, just leave it on the table. He paused for a second, lifting his head from the personnel files to look at her. "Good first day?" He questioned

"Yes sir, great thanks , although I haven't really left my lab today, truth be told"

"So I noticed "

Sam looked at him quizzically "You've been watching me Sir?!"

"No I was merely checking if you were free for that arm wrestle you challenged me to earlier " he smirked

She blinked at him, there it was - that smirk again, it did _things_ to her insides that made her want to do _things_ to him.

"Whatcha thinkin Carter?" Jack asked, a look of amusement darting across his face.

"I...um...nothing Sir " she said ,heat rising to her face

"Your scarlet cheeks beg to differ I'm afraid, so come on, sit and spill "

Blowing a breath out , Sam walked towards the Colonel but the heel of her shoe caught on a tiny piece of loose carpet. Jack reacted instantly ,held up his arms to brace her fall and accidentally grazed his hands over the sides of her breasts . The shock of the trip and the placement of his hands sent the contents of hers flying and papers,post it notes and dividers scattered across the table and all over the floor.

"Crap Carter I'm sorry" Jack exclaimed. He made a move to stand up and Sam waved him back, saying she could manage.

She threw the bag she had over her shoulder onto the chair and crawled under the table to gather the fruit of a day's work. Damn, paper could travel far.

After a few moments, she heard him chuckle.

"Jeez Carter, if you don't come up soon, I'm gonna think you're getting ideas down there, not that I'd complain, I mean...Sorry I shouldn't have said that. "

Sam gave a nervous laugh and allowed her eyes to glance towards his blue uniform covered legs. Well, she _meant_ to look at his legs, but her eye was drawn instantly towards the rather large hardness currently trying to escape through the extremely weak looking zipper of his dress blues. The term " Caging the Beast" sprang to mind and she snorted

" Hey. What's so funny?"

"Not a thing, sorry...Sir "

Sam took a slow deep breath. She had never

1\. Been in this position before, well she had but never with a CO and

2\. Actually wanted to do something so badly that she felt utterly powerless to stop herself from crawling across the floor and coming to rest in front of his legs, which is exactly what she did.

Jack hadn't yet realised where she was or what she was about to do until the sudden feeling of her fingertips running up his legs made him physically lift up from his chair. She quickly pressed the palms of her hands hard onto his thighs to settle him back down and answered his questioning "Carter?" with a long "Shhhhhhhh, just go with it ". She didn't need to tell him twice as he relaxed into his chair.

Sam let her hands roam up to his shiny brass belt buckle,undid it, and popped his button before slowly pulled down his zipper. She placed her fingers into the top of the pockets and pulled his dress pants down a fraction to allow herself easier access , then reached into the fold of his tight black boxers, freeing the "Beast" within and a low moan she wasn't expecting to hear escaped from her own lips.

She could practically feel him smile as his words caught in his throat when she wrapped her fingers round him and squeezed gently. "Like what you...see, Carter?"

"It's Sam, Sir, and yes... I absolutely like what I am seeing" she answered as she leaned forward a fraction of an inch and allowed her tongue to lick the tip, ever so gently. He instantly hardened even more in her hand, if that was at all possible and she caught sight of his hands gripping the arm rests of his chair out of the corner of her eye.

His reaction fuelling her bravery, she leaned down and licked from base to tip in one long movement and took him, all of him, into her mouth and sucked ...hard"

"Holyfuckingshitsam" he exclaimed, surprised at the force of his reaction.

"You need to keep quiet Sir, otherwise I'll have to stop, people might hear " she said, her voice taking on a tone of authority before she placed her lips back to his throbbing tip, her words reverberating through him "Ok?" She placed a gentle kiss where her lips sat.

"God, Yes "

Sam ran her hands up Jacks thighs, her fingers grazing through the coarse hair and stopped at his hips, digging her fingers in while bobbing her head up and down at a slow and steady pace. This small action caused his breathing to stall and a quiet "mmmmmmmm" to escape his lips.

She felt Jack's body suddenly tense up, felt his hand move to the top of her head to stall her and heard his voice answer the other voice which had suddenly arrived. Jacks fingers played in her hair, the unexpected action making her smile.

"Sir, I'm just checking if you need anything before I head home for the night " Sergeant Walter Harriman asked him.

Oh this could be fun, Sam thought. She very slowly began to slide him inside her mouth again and withdrew, repeating the action very slowly and very quietly. She felt his hand move from her head to her jaw and squeeze gently, leaving his hand there. Sam turned her head slightly so the top of his cock pushed her cheek out into his hand and an almost inaudible moan escaped his lips, which he turned into a very unbelievable cough. Oh this _was_ fun and he was enjoying it as much as she was. She reached down and pulled her skirt up quietly, then reached between her own legs and began to draw slow circles. Her quickened breathing didn't go un-noticed and his fingers caressed her still moving jaw.

"No Walter, I'm ...good ...thanks" Jack replied, his words catching on a wave of pleasure Sam was creating.

"Are you sure Sir, you look a little flushed?"

"Yes Walter, I'm absolutely fine. Are you the last to leave?

"Yes sir, no one is due back until Oh Eight Hundred. The dialling computers are locked out and the Iris is sealed. And the technicians will be here at Oh Nine Thirty to install the security cameras and alarm sensors in the 'Gateroom, Control Room, General Hammond's office and in here" he said, absentmindedly waving his hand around. "There might be a scattering of people still around but mostly science teams buried in their experiments. "

Jack have a slight nod of agreement towards Walter. "Oh they do like to get buried in things, those scientists . Thank you Walter, go home, see you tomorrow."

Sam scraped him with her teeth playfully for his little remark and he tapped his hand against her cheek in mock annoyance whilst laughing , as far as Walter could tell, at his own joke.

"Walter turned to leave but stopped and said "Oh Captain Carter was here earlier, did she get what she came for?"

"I'm not sure Walter, but she will get what she needs, you have my word "

"That's good, she's a nice lady , I hope she feels comfortable here.

"I'll make sure of it Walter, goodnight"

"Good night Sir, have a pleasant evening. "

"Will do "

And he was gone

Sam smiled under the table, the tip his long hard cock still in her mouth and felt the tension leave his body. She let out a small giggle which caused him to moan lowly.

"THAT", he said slowly , " is probably the most erotic thing that has ever happened to me "

"Hmmm, I could say the same " Sam countered , her fingers still exploring her own wetness.

He pushed his chair back just as she was about to place her mouth on him again, his mouth falling open at the sight of her licking her lips and her hand in her pale pink lace panties. His gaze froze there and then slowly moved to her lips , gradually moving up to her eyes.

"Those" he said , looking at the pink lace

"Not regulation , I know"

"No , was gonna say they're fucking hot... switch places with me...now "

He reached down and placing his index finger under her chin, he guided her up, brushed a chaste kiss across her lips before he sank down to his knees. She sat in his still warm chair and looked down at him, he still staring at the pink lace like he had never seen anything as sexy in his life. ' _Jesus those fingers are long, the things he could do with them_ ' she thought as he hooked his long fingers into the sides of her panties and tugged. "Up" he said and she obliged, lifting her backside so he could peel them away, dragging her down slightly with them.

"As you were _Samantha_ " he said with a devilish grin.

Her legs fell open as she snaked her hand down,closed her eyes and found her centre and he watched her ,mesmerised at the way her fingers slid deftly over her bundle of nerves. No woman had ever done this right in front of him before.

"Ahem" he said clearing his throat

Her eyes darted open,he looked at her hand , wiggled his eyebrows and cocked his head to the side. A clear "get out of my way " message.

She removed her hand but he caught it and placed her fingers in his mouth, sucked hard, uttered "yum" then moved his mouth down , down , down towards the welcoming opening of her legs.

His tongue darted out when he found his mark and she cried out ,lifting involuntarily off the seat.

"Good?" He mumbled into her flesh and she could only nod. His hands splayed out on her thighs holding her in place and he set about building a punishing pace with his tongue. Sam panted, crying out his name but he wouldn't let up until her legs started to shake and suddenly her hands were in his hair , gripping hard enough to hurt but not hard enough for him to stop her.

Her body relaxed and her breathing slowed but her legs continued to shudder as he licked up the last remnants of her orgasm. She had never experienced pleasure like that in her life. She felt a little dazed and finally understood what it meant to get totally lost in the moment.

Jack shook his head loosening her hold on his hair , stood up, lifted her from the seat and placed her gently on the briefing room desk. He stood between her open legs, placed one hand behind her on the small of her back and with the other, guided his aching cock between her legs, taking pleasure in the fact that she was so wet and ready for him. She reached out, grabbed his tie and hungrily pulled him towards her. He took a half step forward and pushed himself into her, feeling her muscles clench around him, his eyes closed of their own accord as a shiver ran down his back.

"Holy shit" he moaned pushing in that final glorious inch and felt the head of his cock bump against her cervix.

"Oh God, so deep" she moaned , her head falling back, her eyes clouded over with sheer lust.

"I know, you feel so fucking tight, so fucking good " he countered ,his voice breaking

He placed a hand on her shoulder and pushed gently , prompting her to lay back on the table. She did as he wanted and his hands ran from her shoulders to her breasts , her erect nipples trying to poke their way through the fabric.

"Fuck it " he uttered. Jack's hands gripped her shirt and pulled sharply, sending buttons flying over the table. He pulled the cups of her pale pink lace bra down freeing her heavy breasts, leaned down and sucked...hard. The sound she made was like nothing he had ever heard in his life, he was pretty sure he would probably never hear it again. A low guttural groan that went straight to his cock and he panted sharply and thrust into her as deep as he could get. She arched her back, he rose up, gripping the waistband of her skirt and thrust harder and faster into her welcoming opening. He could feel his climax coming but he was determined to get her off again first, so licking the pad of one thumb, reached down and rubbed between her legs while he took her completely, one hand still full of blue fabric. He felt her start to shake , so sped up his own thrusting and as she exploded around him again screaming his name ,he found his own release. He gripped her hips, dug his fingers into her flesh, held her in place until the very, very last second before pulling out and emptying himself onto her lower belly and into her curls while her strangled name and a string of curses passed his lips.

He collapsed on top of her and kissed her neck gently ,behind her ear ,that spot that she loved and he seemed to be drawn to ,while they tried to regulate their breathing.

"Well I have to admit, _that_ was the best first day I've ever had" she said

"Good to hear, sorry about your shirt , I'll...em pay to have it replaced, heat of the moment and all that ..."

"No need, I have plenty" she replied " this one might be my new favourite now though "

He hesitated as he straightened up, withdrawing himself from her heat, groaning slightly as he tucked himself back into his boxers and fastened his pants. He could clean up in his quarters. Jack held his hand out and she took it, sitting up. She reached down, pulling a tissue from her skirt pocket and wiped her belly, a drop of his semen falling onto her index finger. She looked at it, then at him, still staring at her and without breaking eye contact, raised her finger to her lips and licked. "Yum" she said, mirroring his earlier action. His mouth fell open in shock and a slow smile suddenly formed on his face while Sam winked at him and replaced her skirt to its original position and buttoned up her jacket to cover the serious lack of fastenings on her shirt.

"Oh Captain", he said slowly "you are going to be an interesting one and from here on out, I have NO problem with scientists... Just sayin' "

"Glad I could help change your mind... Sir "

"Best briefing ever in my opinion"

"Briefing or de briefing?" She joked, bending to retrieve her discarded panties and shoving them in her pocket. She turned to walk away, grabbing her bag and file ,leaving him standing there, the smirk that had started it all now plastered on his face yet again...


	2. Hiding in Plain Sight

**A/N** : Still not my characters. The storylines would have taken a totally different path if they belonged to me ...

Thanks again to my lovely Betas. All your help is invaluable

Part 2 in the What If...? series.

 **What if... Invisible Jack O'Neill had gone home with Samantha Carter**

Rating of M- mild adult references.

* * *

 **HIDING IN PLAIN SIGHT**.

"Sir, are you there ?" Samantha Carter called out from the shower cubicle, an air of frustration in her voice. She pulled the shower curtain back a fraction and stuck her head out , although why she did, she couldn't say. Colonel Jack O'Neill was invisible and he liked getting into mischief. She couldn't hear or see him but she just _knew_ he was there. Knew by the way the little hairs on the back of her neck were standing to attention that he was near. Knew by the way the air just seemed...heavier, thicker somehow.

"Nope," came the witty response.

She pulled the curtain back in mock annoyance and chuckled quietly, leaning her head back under the running water to rinse the shampoo from her hair. Trying her best to keep her voice calm, she asked again; " Sir are you still NOT here ?" She peeked out again, trying to figure out where he had parked himself this time when out of the corner of her eye, she spotted the strap of her folded white tank top moving slightly. _Once a fidgeter, always a fidgeter._

"You know I don't mind you being here , as long as you let me know in advance. It's not like I can't tell when you've come...Come in, I mean."

 _Oh my god,_ she thought _, I can't believe I've just said that._

"Ah yes Carter, but then I might miss the chance to listen to you sing without restraint." came the teasing reply from thin air. "Your singing was just too good to interrupt. Mariah had better watch out, that's all I'm sayin' "

"Ha, ha! Funny ...Sir" she said sarcastically

"Truth be told Carter, I've been thinking "

"Really Sir?"

"I know, I know, don't fall over in the shower from shock or anything. I really don't think I could play the gentleman if I had to save you from in there, if you know what I mean" he said laughing.

Sam was almost 100% sure that if she could see him, he would be wiggling his eyebrows at this very moment. The very thought made her smile.

She laughed loudly imagining the scenario. "Ok I promise not to faint. Thinking about what exactly sir?"

"About me, about you, about how I don't think, emmm, even though we tried to, you know, the room?"

Sam froze. There it was. She knew this would happen, sooner rather than later, but had always assumed it would be while they were stranded somewhere, and had run out of things to talk about.

"The Za'tarc thing?" She asked quietly , trying to sound calm, testing his reaction. She wasn't sure what direction this could go. _Was he angry? He didn't sound angry. Did he need to talk to her because she had become too obvious in her affections? She didn't think she had, she had bitten back her words plenty of times and tried to remain as professional as ever where he was concerned. But still..._

"Yep."

"I don't think it stayed in the room either, Sir, " Sam admitted quietly.

"Well the way I figure Carter, we need to talk about what happened. I've been kinda putting it off because I don't want to have to look at you when I say what I want to say. You're kinda intimidating to me sometimes. So I figure what better time than when I'm invisible?"

 _"_ I'm intimidating Sir?" _He had no idea how much that statement could be reversed._

"A little, yes. It's your eyes, you have a way of looking at me that throws me off balance. Yeah, kinda like that," he said pointing towards where she stood behind the curtain, head poking out, eyes slightly wide, a half smile on her face.

"Is that why you're refusing to allow me to "fix" you, Sir, because you need to talk?"

"Kinda." He admitted

"Ok we can talk. Can I at least get dressed first?" She could suddenly hear the waver in her voice.

"I think that would be for the best. You know I can see your outline through that shower curtain and it's... Distracting." he admitted.

"Dear God." Sam replied, heat rising to her cheeks.

"Hey , don't worry Carter, it's a good outline." Jack teased.

"Still ...Sir," she answered embarrassed.

"I'm gonna leave, but I don't think it's a good idea to discuss it here , walls have ears and all that. Have you eaten? Can we go somewhere? No one can see me so I can just skip out with you"

"No I haven't eaten but how would I explain my sitting chatting to myself and food magically disappearing to a waitress?"

"Good point. We could go to my place? You would have to drive , obviously. I mean the whole "dog driving my truck" incident really freaked the guards out," he chuckled, shaking his head. "That was just too funny."

"We can go to my house if you like? Otherwise it just looks like I'm breaking into your yours." She offered.

"Can you meet me in 15 minutes by the elevator?"

"Can do Carter, can do." Jack said. She heard his whistling moving towards to the door, and then away down the corridor.

* * *

Sam walked towards the elevator, and stopped to sign the logbook proffered to her by Lieutenant Hickey. Signing her name in to the "off base" section, she smiled at the lieutenant as the elevator doors opened.

"Have a good evening ma'am," Lt Hickey called out.

"I'm sure I will. You too"

She knew he was already there as the elevator doors closed behind her. She could sense him; smell the unique scent of "Jack". She stood there and said nothing for maybe thirty seconds, just reveling in the knowledge that they were alone, wondering and worrying what the evening ahead held in store.

"Did you mean what you said?" She blurted out suddenly into the empty elevator, "That you would rather have died than leave me there?"

He spoke, as quietly as she had ever heard him, from behind her and replied "Every word Carter ". He sounded...fragile, like he wasn't used to baring his emotions so easily.

Sam exhaled the breath she had unknowingly been holding.

She sensed Jack take a step towards her. He didn't say a word, just stood there, the gap between them infinitesimal. She felt the heat of his body behind her, the warm feeling of his breath on her neck making her body react, despite the lack of contact between them. Sam gently tilted her head to the side, her eyes falling slowly closed.

The sensation of knowing he was there, of hearing his wavering breathing was enough of a catalyst for her body to betray her, and she felt a shiver begin at her neck, and run down her spine, making her body quiver. The hairs on her arms stood to attention and she smiled, amused at the fact that even they saluted him.

Jack stood, as close as he dared to her, and inhaled slowly but loudly enough that he knew she could hear the action. He knew she couldn't see him, but if she could, she would have noticed the goose bumps on his skin, the nervous look on his face and the way he had to close his eyes, because having her this close to him was almost too much for him to handle. _She really had no idea of the effect she had on him_ , he thought.

They stood like that for the remainder of the four minute journey. There were no other words spoken between them...there were none needed.

The elevator doors opened, and she felt him withdraw from where he was standing behind her, his fingertips brushing hers momentarily. A bolt of electricity surged up her arm, making her jump. "Oh," she said quietly.

"Sorry Carter," he whispered, silently thrilled that his gentle touch had garnered such a strong reaction from her.

"No apologies necessary, Sir," she replied and followed him out of the base towards her waiting car.

* * *

Sam's car came to a stop outside her home approximately thirty minutes later. She made her way up the path, her arms laden down with Chinese take out boxes, fumbling with her keys.

"I really wish you'd let me help Carter" Jack commented from somewhere to her right.

"I've already explained that I'd rather my neighbours not think I'm some kind of witch, Sir. Floating containers won't help. Plus, you've already 'helped' enough, moving the money all over the counter so the poor guy had to practically chase it."

"What? He was checking you out! We couldn't have that now, could we?" Jack offered as explanation of his previous actions.

Sam laughed and shook her head. "He was a teenage boy Sir, he will need counselling after that."

"Your point being, Carter?" Jack asked, as Sam opened the door. "You seem to forget, I was a teenage boy once, I know how they think."

Finally allowing Jack to take the contents from her hands, she watched amusingly as Chinese take out containers floated down the hallway into her living room .

"You're smirking aren't you, Sir?" Sam called after him.

"Whatever makes you say that?" He replied, an unmistakable tone of amusement in his voice.

"Just a hunch!" She quipped.

"Grab napkins, and drinks, Carter, and hurry up, I'm starving," he shouted from the living room.

A few moments later, Sam entered her living room, napkins in one hand, bottles of beers in the other, spying the steaming boxes of food on the centre of the coffee table. She knew he was here, but where _exactly_ , she couldn't figure out. Taking two steps forward, she hit a warm, muscly wall, and stumbled backwards.

"I gotcha," Jack said, as he grabbed her waist, and righted her, his hands lingering for a few seconds more than was strictly necessary, and squeezing gently.

"Sorry, Sir, I didn't ...um, see you there," she replied, instantly regretting her unfortunate choice of words.

"Perfectly alright, Carter. I'll even let the cliché slide, just this once though!" He teased.

She felt his breath on her face, smiled a slightly embarrassed smile, and offered "Thanks " then sat on her couch, watching the cushion beside her sink down under his weight.

"So sir, you , um, wanted to talk?" Sam said, taking a long sip from her bottle, eager to get past this dreadfully awkward point.

"Ok then, no small talk. I like that, very you, very me actually. Did I ever tell you about the time that I got trapped upside down in a ..."

"Sir, you're rambling."

"I know I am! Ok, I'm just gonna come out with it, and I can't get embarrassed 'cause you can't see me right? That makes perfect sense in my head . I wonder if that's 'cos of the Ancient..."

"Sir", she cut him off, "we don't have to talk if you don't want to. We can just eat and hang out."

She heard him take a deep breath , blow it slowly out and then say "Ok, here goes. Ever since the Xanax thing, I've wanted to talk to you. Every time I tried though, you'd look at me , kinda like you're looking at me now, and I'd just pretend that I was asking about Quantico mirrors or something."

"Quantum mirrors, Sir, and it's a Za'tarc detector." Sam corrected.

"Sam, can you please not call me 'Sir' while I'm talking here?" he asked, nervously. "It makes it easier if I'm not 'Sir' right now. Makes me feel less like I'm breaking the rules if I'm just Jack O'Neill, and you're just Samantha Carter, ok?"

"Ok Si...um...Jack?"

She noticed him pausing, but what Sam didn't see was his eyes slowly closing as he reacted to his name rolling off her tongue. He loved the way it sounded coming from her lips, and he allowed his mind to wander to a place where it wasn't taboo for just a moment, before shaking the feeling off, and steeling himself once again.

"Remember that day?" He watched as she slowly nodded her head. "Right, of course you do," he scolded himself, "Your CO admitting that he has been feeling _Feelings_ for you isn't something that happens every day around the base. Admitting to having 'Feelings' I couldn't _properly_ describe, but, well, I know you knew what I meant 'cause you could read between the lines."

"No, not something I'm ever likely to forget really, and yes, Jack, I read between the lines," Sam replied, smiling awkwardly.

The cushion moved, and she heard his footfalls as he paced back, and forth in silence before reclaiming his seat beside her, noticeably closer this time.

"Damn it, Sam, I can't keep doing this! I've tried, I've really tried; I've told myself that this", he motioned between them, "can't happen, I've tried to bottle it up, and 'push it down' but I can't. The feelings, they won't go away. They just won't... I can't... We have something Sam, something real, something I've never had with anyone, not even...not even...Sara."

Sam heard a familiar subtle scratching sound, which could only mean one thing- he was scrubbing his hands over his face, like he always did when he was unsure of what to say. Telltale Jack O'Neill nervousness. She felt oddly comforted by the fact that the words he was uttering weren't coming easily to him.

He paused, blowing out a long breath before continuing. "When you were standing behind that force shield, and I thought I was going to lose you, I wanted to die. Because, honestly... dying with you would have been easier than living without you. I don't think I've ever felt..." Jack paused, and took a deep breath. He reached out, and clasped her hands in his then continued, "Jesus I don't know what I felt. Terror, sheer terror. I've never felt like that in my life... Not since, not since..."

"I know . Sam replied, squeezing his hands. "It's ok, Jack."

"Then they thought we were human time bombs, and Anise came on to me..."

"Anise came on to you? When did that happen?" Sam was surprised at the sudden edgy tone in her voice and pulled her hands away. She felt him shift uncomfortably on the sofa beside her and, immediately regretted her actions.

"When we were quarantined. I turned her down, don't look at me like THAT, I turned her down instantly. She asked if there was 'someone else to whom I was loyal,' and I had to admit to myself that there was. Then you figured it out, and we spilled our proverbial guts, and I thought - FINALLY, she knows how I feel about her. More importantly, I know how she really feels, and...and we were gonna be ok. Then you said we could leave it in the room. I was...so shocked that you felt the same way about me that I wanted to grab you, and kiss you right there, but you said that it didn't have to leave the room. I thought that was what you wanted and, as much as it hurt, I agreed."

"So you don't want to leave it in the room?" Sam questioned.

"No, I mean, yes we kinda have to but no, I don't _want_ to. I mean it's you. It's...us. I need you to know that I meant what I said. I still do. I always will."

"Me too," she said, in an almost whisper, bowing her head and looking at her hands, which she was now twisting into the material of her cardigan.

"What?" Jack asked, in the same whispered tone she had just used.

"I meant what I said too. Of course I did. Did you really ever doubt that?" she asked. The fact that he doubted her, made her sad, and a little angry at herself. "And I haven't forgotten what I felt; what we both felt, but I don't see what we can do? We can't pretend it didn't happen, we've tried, but we can't be together, not like we want to."

"I know ,the pretending isn't working, it's not going away, it's not going to."

He watched as tears began to fall from her eyes. "It's not fair Jack."

"I know it isn't," he said. Sam suddenly felt him take her hands and lean his forehead against hers. The tip of his nose rested on hers, and she closed her eyes, and let tears- built up of years of love and frustration - fall.

"It doesn't count if I'm invisible," she heard him whisper, then felt his lips press against hers. He kissed her gently, his fingertips running slowly up her arms, across her shoulders and neck, skirting along her jawline and finally cupping her face, while her own reached out blindly to grasp his shirt. She sighed against his lips.

"Samantha," he said against her lips.

She felt him lean forward, and his hand moved to the back of her head, guiding her down onto the throw pillow behind her.

She allowed herself to get lost in him, completely immersing herself in the moment, afraid that it might be the only one they would get. Her body responded to his kiss, and a moan of pleasure, an alien sound she had never heard from herself, escaped her mouth. She wondered why they had never allowed themselves to experience this before. She clawed at his back, allowing her hands to blindly wander to his hair, where she gripped tightly, while he kissed her. Sam held him close, loving the feeling of his weight on her body. She tilted her head involuntarily as she felt his lips move to the spot just behind her ear that she was sure he instinctively knew would make her body jump. He lingered there for a moment before whispering, "I love you Sam," into her ear. She responded to his declaration with one of her own. "I love you too Jack." He kissed his way back up her jawline, kissed her closed eyes one by one, then rubbed the tip of his nose against hers, before planting a final, soft, lingering kiss on her sensitive lips. He broke away and quietly uttered, "I love you so much," against her lips before removing his weight from her altogether, afraid that if he didn't do it then, he never would.

Sam felt a soft sob bubble to the surface, and escape, before she could stop it. She sat up, her head falling into her hands, while her body shook gently. She felt Jack's hand on her back, heard his quiet pleading voice say, "No, oh No Sam...please don't cry. I know I shouldn't have done that, but I've wanted to for so long, and you just kept looking at me with those beautiful eyes, and I couldn't help myself," he said before taking her face in his hands and kissing her again. "It'll be ok, I promise."

"Can we just pretend it's ok now? Just for a little while?" She asked, her voice almost a whisper, "I need it Jack, just for a while."

"Of course we can," he responded softly, gently guiding her head to his shoulder, laying them both back on the couch. She pulled a blanket over them as he wrapped his arms around her protectively, and held her as close as he could. They closed their eyes while they lay together, pretending, for just a little while, that there were no obstacles, no regulations and, no rules stopping them from laying like this every night, nestled perfectly against each other, like they were made to fit together. They drifted off to sleep, comforted in their stolen moment, the Chinese food on the table beside them, long forgotten.


End file.
